March 2008.

"I just don't think that's a real thing."

"It's a real thing. It's the first bullet point in every article about what not to make your important passwords. Or any of your passwords."

Alicia's voice is gentle but firm, not unlike Alicia herself. She's an island oasis of calm to Sophie's ocean of frenetic energy; a walking yoga retreat where Sophie is more of a walking pop concert, or a circus, or one of those children's television shows where half of the cast is puppets and watching an episode all the way through leaves you questioning how much value you truly place on your life. She is hard where Sophie is soft, and thank God for it, because without her, Sophie - college-aged Sophie, old enough to know better Sophie - probably would have wandered into a dark alley or a shady basement at a warehouse party or the car of a stranger offering candy and limited release off-Broadway cast recordings by now, assuming that everything was going to turn out just fine. Alicia is a much needed dose of reality. She's also the only person who could make Sophie accept that it was time to get rid of the sidekick her brother had purchased for her years ago when they were still cool and instead invest in a real phone, with a touch screen and full data plan and the need for a new Apple account password.

"No, but like. If they keep telling people not to use 'password' as a password, then the first thing people are going to think if they're trying to figure out a password is 'well, no one is dumb enough to use password as their password', so they'll totally skip that possibility entirely when really it's like that thing where the thing you're looking for is always right under your nose the whole time. You know, the thing."

"The thing."

Grinning, Sophie swings her legs over the edge of her loft bed and wiggles her toes. "Yeah, the thing. I'm subverting the whatsit. Expectations? I should have gone to spy school instead of art school."

It shows on her face that Alicia's holding in a sigh, but she does the noble thing and swallows it. "Don't say I didn't warn you when you get hacked."

"I'm just some random college student, no one wants to hack me!"

Your password has been set to: password

November 2009.

Sophie's favorite thing about Broadway is getting to meet the audience at the stagedoor after a show. Well, it's her favorite thing after the obvious singing and dancing and being on Broadway part, and maybe also after the full-skirted costumes and getting to perform in the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade and all of the friends she's made and she's allowed to have more than one favorite part, she thinks. Even being an unnamed member of an ensemble doesn't seem to matter when the back door opens and people are there waiting, wanting autographs for their playbills and pictures or even just to talk. Some of the other girls are younger and are quickly swept off by their handlers, or older and seasoned and have adult lives with other things to do, but Sophie is just enough in the middle to not have a curfew or pressing responsibilities, so she hangs around. She makes sure everyone who wants something gets it, even the older gentleman who grabs her ass when she poses with him for a photo, or the one closer to her own age who begins showing up after every Saturday matinee just to see her, though she (politely, she hopes) rebuffs his weekly offer to take her to lunch after.

"It's fucking creepy and you should talk to security about it." This is Elizabeth's fifth Broadway show - fifth time in the goddamn thankless ensemble too, she privately bemoans to Sophie, but it's better than not working so she's biding her time - and she arguably knows a lot more than Sophie does about the business, or life in general. Still, Sophie shakes her head.

"I don't know. He's not hurting anyone. It's kind of sweet, in a way? And also sad. But kind of sweet."

"You say that now, but wait until he follows you home one day."

"That's not a real thing. People don't do that. People don't really do that, do they?"

Elizabeth launches into an angry, profanity-laden spiel about privacy and safety and unrealistic expectations and the difference between fans and friends and Sophie's listening, she really is, or at least she's hearing the words. She's just also simultaneously catching up on her emails. Modern technology is a blessing. That and the wifi at her apartment is super touch and go, so she has to get it where she can.


Elizabeth stops midsentence. "What's weird?"

"I guess I must have done my facebook privacy settings wrong or something, look." She holds up her phone, quickly scrolling to a forum post featuring several shots of her with her family from their last vacation. "I thought my photos were all locked."

Elizabeth's hand jets out and grabs the phone like she's the next coming of the karate kid, her brow furrowing as she taps at the screen.

"It's really not that bad," Sophie insists. "I mean, did you see the title of the post? 'Broadway's Hottest Ensemble members'! Someone knows I exist and they think I'm hot."

"We're going to change your passwords. And you need to change the name on your facebook account; if people don't know what they're looking for, they're going to have a harder time finding you."

Sophie reaches forward and gently plucks her phone from Elizabeth's hands. "Okay. I can do it, don't worry. Thank you."

"And I'm telling security about that guy."

"Oh no, that's so mean, don't do that."

Your password has been reset to: password123

August 2012.

Glee is proud to have a large and enthusiastic fanbase, but for your safety and privacy, it is our recommendation that all cast members take extra security precautions with their phones, computers, and social media accounts. Using a different password for every account will help to ensure your security. I would advise you to use a random password generator, which can be found online, as these will help you to best create a password that is hard for others to guess. Please let me or the production team know if you have any questions.

Once again, welcome to our family! We are so excited to have you with us.


Your password has been reset to: &N5jU+P4_sVemf

September 2012.

"I'm not saying I forgot my password, but if I did forget my password and maybe locked myself out of my account trying to remember my password, do you know what I need to do to fix it?"

"Oh, Soph. This isn't my territory, I'm not Geek Squad."

"Yeah, but I know you can fix it quicker than Geek Squad because you're the very smartest of all my brothers!" Ignoring the scoff on the other end, she plows forward: "Please help me, I only have like, six minutes before I have to be back on set and I have no idea when they'll give us another real break. I had made up one of those sentence things that's supposed to help you remember like the one about the planets, you know, the uhhh..."

"My Very--"

"MYVERYINTELLIGENTMOTHERJUSTSERVEDUSNINEPIZZASYES well I had one of those only mine was like, 'not just umbrellas something something... something' and I know I'm forgetting a piece and it's just all so silly, like what are the chances anyone is even going to try?"

The Caldwells look out for each other. All of the Caldwells look out for Sophie. Glee may be three seasons past its prime, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been a huge break in her career, especially considering that before a few months ago, the only people who knew she existed were musical theatre majors and creeps who had looked up her IMDB profile after seeing her topless on Homeland. Being responsible for Sophie also often means being willing to think on her behalf, and to point out the things she either didn't notice or just glossed over. They review her contracts and offer gentle advice when she requests it and some days, like today, walk her through how to unlock and reset the password to her iCloud.

"I have one request. Don't use 'password' as your password."

"Oh my God, how did you know?"

"I had a hunch."

Your password has been reset to: Sophia

April 2013.

"We're working on controlling it the best we can, Sophia, but I have to be honest with you, nothing's ever really gone once it's on the internet."

"I know. You're doing a really good job, though. I know you're all working so hard. Thank you. I'm sorry."

Sophie regularly cries while watching The Notebook. She regularly cries while watching eliminations on Project Runway. Half the time she can't even be counted on to get through that one Sarah McLachlan song from the ASPCA commercial without needing tissues. Today, though, her eyes are remarkably dry. For that matter, she doesn't seem to be showing many emotions at all, which in itself is unusual.

Then again, it's not every day that you get called in to discuss how to best handle your first nude photo leak. There's something to be said for the shock value of the situation alone.

"It's okay to be upset. It was an egregious trespass on your privacy."

Sophie isn't 100% sure what egregious means, but it's the kind of word that just sounds right for the situation, so she nods numbly in agreement. She hopes Justin will handle the press release rather than her having to get up and make some kind of statement. He's already handled everything else today, and she trusts his talents with words far more than she trusts her own. "I know. It's okay. You're working on it. It's going to be okay. Thanks. Sorry. Again."

This emergency meeting is rounding on its fourth hour, and they've been through all of the basics several times over. Her team is choosing to refer to the incident as a 'controllable slip-up', which sounds nice enough even if it doesn't make her feel much more assured. On the bright side, they tell her: the leak was caught early, and they've has been sending out takedown notices all morning. That won't get rid of the problem in itself, but it will likely decrease the number of people who can get their hands on the material. Her partner in the photos is unmistakably her boyfriend of six months, so there are no cheating or mystery man allegations to deal with. Not being a household name will work in her advantage, as it's unlikely the story will break any of the major news cycles. And honestly, even if it does, no one was ever really trying to cultivate her image as one of a sexless, pristine princess, anyway. She's a nice girl, not a saint. Even the girl next door gets fucked eventually.

But still. The internet doesn't usually get pictures of it.

"You don't need to apologize. But I'd like to discuss how this might have happened and what we can do to fix it in the future. How good are you about changing your account passwords regularly, Sophia?"


Your password has been reset to: 02271988



"Did you just change your Apple password?"


"I only had to make three attempts to get into your account. Let's not use birthdays."

"Oh. Okay."

Your password has been reset to: pink26

October 2013.

"I mean, on the bright side no one really thought for a second that was me anyway, right? They might have hoped, but anyone who really knows me knows I don't talk like that."

Your password has been reset to: christopher<3

August 2014.


We're going to get this taken care of but like we talked about this morning, I need you to be prepared for what's going to be coming your way over the next few days. It is not going to be easy, but if you're willing to let us spin this the right way, we may even be able to bring you out of an unfortunate situation even stronger. Please remember that promotion for FSoG will be ramping up soon, and it will help YOU if we can present you as a young woman who is comfortable with sex and confident in showing your body. I do not mean to sound insensitive but I cannot stress enough the audience demographic expansion you could see in the next year if you play your cards correctly here. Let's make the most of your untapped potential.

For the moment, it would be best for you to step back from all social media for a few days. Please do not make any statements without consulting with me first. We'd like to get you out in public, though, preferably not alone. Would you be up for a lunch with Paul? Let me know and I'll reach out.

Great things lie ahead for you, Sophia. Keep your chin up.


• Alicia Says...
Alicia: At least this time they aren't as
Alicia: you know
Alicia: graphic.
me: lol :(
me: justin says those might make a resurgence too if people start looking for them
me: resurgance?
me: resurfance?
me: he says they might come back
Alicia: I'm sorry.
me: it's okay. people were going to see a lot of it eventually anyway! oh well
Alicia: I'm still sorry your privacy was invaded.
me: thank you. it's going to be fine <3
Alicia: You know that it's okay for you to not feel fine about this, right?
me: do my nipples look weird in the one on the bed?
me: i think they look a little weird
me: i still need to learn my angles
me: nip angles
Alicia: Your nipples look perfectly normal.

"Sophie? It's Mom. Please call back as soon as you get this; your father and I are very worried after that message you left. We love you and are proud of you no matter what and I don't know why you'd ever think otherwise. Okay, well... call back. Let us know if you want us to fly out, because we will. Love you."

Your password has been reset to: diablo

June 2016.

"Good morning Sophia, Justin here. Sorry for the early wake up call, but I need you to change all of your passwords ASAP. Nothing to worry about right now, it's only a precautionary measure, but you know we like to stay ahead of the game. Remember, no names, no birthdays, no 'password' as password, alright, sweetheart? Give them a bit of a challenge, at least. Let me know if you need my assistance. Actually, call me either way, would you?"

Your password has been reset to: UGHNOTAGAIN